Positivity equating to Nudity?

I can't believe it's been so long without writing a single blog entry. I have been swallowed by the ups and downs of this overwhelming  life. Made me realize how it relates to self appreciation. You look at yourself and start questioning yourself  because wow self-love isn’t linear and there are good days and bad days. Sometimes I am convinced  that my image and my body is the sole reason for my loneliness🤣  I would cry every day because of the huge pile of flesh smirking at me  in the mirror.

                        

Now that got me reflecting about my first bikini shoot as a plus size model. i was tense even though i was in a comfortable space. i tried so hard to keep hiding myself behind the rob much to the irritation of the photographer. Thus as I had anticipated it cost me a shoot with a particular lingerie brand. Now as I write many ideas cross my mind as to how I could have done things differently. Anyway what's the point of weeping over spilt milk.

Being a plus size comes with stereotypes a lot of people typically tend to refer to me as sassy, confident, strong, bougie and even intimidating at times. Given such views I end up falling prey to the self fulfilling prophecy. As much as I can be sexy and intimidating, it’s not all I am. Society often forgets that fat women can be sexy. Fat women can be attractive without being sexualized. Fat women are allowed to love themselves unapologetically and fat women deserve access to the same amount of love and respect as everyone else does.

Photography is a way for me to express myself and see my body for what it is. Its an art I fell in love with way back. I am such a huge sucker for portraits as well. I take the pictures anyhow because at this point I feel  it’s important to normalize bodies like mine as society won’t do it for us. There is such beauty in different body shapes , mine  included. After years of hiding myself, making apologies for my body and trying to be smaller in order to appease others, you have no idea of the  empowerment in just putting my stretch marks, rolls, humps and curves on my body out of the closet.Trust me, It definitely is not befitting everyone’s aesthetic tastes, but it’s mine and it’s the body I’m choosing to love and live in, regardless. It will be so much better if we stopped being opinionated about people's lives. 

So you question if positivity equates to nudity...Hello, Auntie Sue and Uncle Jack stop tryna act smart on me. I take my pictures any how because I need  to humanize and normalize fat and unprivileged bodies. I am being very much normative .The number one thing that helped me fall in love with my body was seeing other thick, plus-sized women posting photos of themselves looking amazing. Seeing photos of fat women in lingerie/bikinis, with their whole bodies on show looking amazing, made me realize that I too could also wear these ‘taboo’ items in public and feel desirable and somewhat attractive.

We got to understand that  plus size lingerie is a whole different ball game to straight sized lingerie, there are lumps, bumps, ridges and furrows and (sometimes) saggy boobs to take into account. I’ve always been wary of putting up photos of myself in lingerie, partly because of family, friends and co-workers who may come across it. Then comes the talk, advice and  judgements because 'I’m spurting myself out there for all to see '

I’m not ashamed of myself, nor should any other plus size woman be. It’s time for our bodies to be normalized, and if that means uploading a million of bikini and lingerie photos onto social media, so be it. Nobody lashes out at the glorified 'typical mode bodies'. We good. We  look awesome and don’t let anybody tell you any different!